The Diabetes Brain

There's a bit of a theme lately from a few of us in the DOC. From Frank's post on guilt to Kelly's tweet on the brain never being off, it seems we're all experiencing the same thing. You can't switch off the diabetes brain.

At some level I'm always aware of my diabetes. From the moment I wake up, to the last check before I sleep. No food is not thought about, whether I carb count it properly or not.

There's a constant stream of questions running through my head:
- When did I last eat?
- What did I last eat?
- Did I finish that? Did I get enough of the carbs? Do I need more carbs? But I'm not hungry.
- When am I supposed to eat again?
- How much insulin do I have active right now?
- Do I have to walk anywhere soon? How far? How long after I've eaten am I walking somewhere?
- Am I doing something different tonight? Do they have gluten free food? Is it gluten free food with carbs in it? Will I be home late? Am I sleeping at home? Should I set an alarm for 3am since I'm staying at a friend's place? Will that wake them up?
- How many carbs was in that? Did I do it right?
- What is the weather like today? (Yes, seriously. It was cold today and my sugars were low, warmer weather and they were higher)
- What part of the month am I in? (I can feel the gentlemen recoiling, sorry guys. Fact is sugars vary wildly in stages all month long. Lucky us right?)
- How far do I have to drive? Is it over an hour? Do I have to pull over? Where can I pull over?
- I have a placement session. How long is my session? When can I check my level? Should I eat something now? Or after? Can I leave this kid alone for a second to check my level? Am I nervous or low?
- My mouth is dry, I counted my carbs wrong. I can feel it's high. Do I smell of off fruit or nail polish remover from the weird sugars? Wow that's professional/attractive. Can I quickly get some water and a mint? Where's my fingerpricker?

And that's just the extra thought. I'm aware of it and assessing for symptoms of a high or low at some level constantly. Even when I sleep I've been known to wake up in the night and immediately check my sugar to make sure that's not the cause.

But I'm not sure that we can actually turn this rubbish off. Because it's kind of essential to be aware of it on some level. I genuinely have to think about these things and automatically do. But it's tiring. It's many many years of thinking about it 24/7.

So to the fellow T1s I feel ya on the overthinking front. It genuinely doesn't switch off. I'm not sure what to do about it either and I wish I had an uplifting way to conclude this. Sometimes I argue with it and say "screw it I'm doing this anyway", but that doesn't stop the thinking either. Maybe there's a way to make it a little quieter.

All I know is we're all doing the best we can, and we shouldn't feel guilty. But we do anyway.

Comments

  1. Rick Phillips3 September 2016 at 12:04

    Being the best we can is so true. We do what we can, and I am not the best, or the worst.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ashleigh8 September 2016 at 22:25

    Constant Vigilance!

    Fake Moody knew what diabetes was all about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bec14 September 2016 at 16:27

      haha oh he did indeed!! Best way to describe it

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Diabetes Blog Week 2016: Message Monday

Today kicks off the seventh annual Diabetes Blog Week. Thanks as always to the lovely Karen at bittersweetdiabetes.com for hosting this event. I’ll be doing the 5-day post schedule rather than 7 this year. Day One is Message Monday " Lets kick off the week by talking about why we are here, in the diabetes blog space. What is the most important diabetes awareness message to you? Why is that message important for you, and what are you trying to accomplish by sharing it on your blog? ” Interesting topic. My blog is sometimes a laugh, sometimes educational, and sometimes a massive rant-fest. But I think there’s still a common theme through all of it. No one deserves a chronic illness. No one deserves to be told they brought it on themselves. No one deserves to have such an enormous part of their life judged, minimised, or made into a joke. Like so many others I’ve heard everything you can think of about Type 1. It’s like people have no filter. “Guess you should h...
Read more

D Blog Week 2017: Diabetes and the Unexpected

"Diabetes can sometimes seem to play by a rulebook that makes no sense, tossing out unexpected challenges at random.  What are your best tips for being prepared when the unexpected happens?  Or, take this topic another way and tell us about some good things diabetes has brought into your, or your loved one’s, life that you never could have expected?" Happy DBlog Week! Thank you once again to Karen at Bittersweet Diabetes for running the show. I can't believe I've made it to my 5th blog week, it seems like just yesterday I started my blog in 2013, right before blog week. I was so nervous entering it as a brand new blogger. But here we are, 5 years later and I can call many of my fellow bloggers my friends.  On to the topic. I've decided to tackle this topic using the second interpretation- what good has diabetes brought to my life?  I saw this topic and went back to my old blog posts to see what I've said in the past about silver l...
Read more

D Blog Week 2017: What Brings Me Down

"Today let’s revist a  prompt from 2014  - May is  Mental Health Month  so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope?" Diabetes Blog Week was the first time I spoke properly about mental health on my blog. You can read that post here. I was absolutely terrified about posting that.   I'm quite proud of 2015 Bec, but looking back it makes me laugh. Mostly because I was insistent that I hadn't experienced burnout or depression. Oh the denial.  So it feels like coming full circle back to this prompt.  Diabetes is by nature an emotional experience. Shifts in blood sugar change your mood. Sleep deprivation changes your mood.  T1 is a chronic condition. It never goes away. It never gets better. Sometimes it gets worse. That is the shitty nature of a chronic condi...
Read more