Petty diabetes battles
Sometimes my diabetes gets the best of me. Sometimes it means I can't do things I would like to and when it happens I feel angry. Really really angry. I hate that my body attacked itself and that even when the brain is willing sometimes the rest of me isn't. It's almost like I've lost control of how my body functions, and lost confidence that it can function correctly.
So, being the stubborn cow I am, sometimes I fight back. With myself... yup.
I've been walking every day lately (yes I know, EXERCISE. I can hardly believe it either) and today was no exception. I was looking forward to walking back to the station from uni with a friend. I'd been hanging out all day through a stats lecture and tutorial to be outside again. I walked to uni that morning as well, who knew exercise made you feel better?
But when the time came my level was 5.0 with a bunch of insulin still in my system from a later lunch. It was dropping quickly into the 4s and as it did I grew more and more frustrated.
How does this happen? The one time I try and do something positive for my physical and mental health and no. Not allowed. I'm incredibly sensitive to even light exercise so I knew that the walk would make it absolutely crash.
In my charming low state I decided that I'd had enough of this crap. I ate a stack of carbs, turned on a temporary basal rate on my pump to give me less insulin and waited. I'd decided that I was going on this walk as an enormous "screw you" to my diabetes. I didn't care how long it took, I was doing this.
Great logic right? Defy the diabetes and it often hits you back later. I'd eaten probably around 60 grams of carbs uncounted, just to make it go up quicker. For my non diabetic friends, the usual amount of carbs for a hypo treatment is 15g.
And I'm now a stunning 13.5 which considering the insane amount of uncounted carbohydrate is AMAZING thank you very much.
Obviously my management is not amazing at present with my dodgy carb counts (or lack of carb counts when I'm on a low sugar vendetta) but I totally won. Was this dumb? Yeah a bit. But I did it. I did that walk and I damn well enjoyed it. Take that you miserable bitch of a disease.