We often talk about diabetes being a constant. It's always there in the back of your mind. Typically, this isn't such a big deal and I don't spend every moment thinking about it. It's rare that I resent it for being there.
But sometimes it has terrible timing. My nan passed away recently, and when I found out in the car, my pump alarmed with a high sugar. It was 20 (normal range is 4-7). I didn't care. The thought of winding down the window and throwing my pump on to the freeway crossed my mind. Not even joking, Tonks is lucky to be in one piece.
My sugars have always reacted strongly to my emotions. I like to think I hide it reasonably well most of the time. But having a CGM (24/7 sugar sensor) means it's a dead giveaway when I'm nervous, stressed or upset- I alarm. Don't get me wrong, I love having a CGM and really couldn't do without it now, but it's frustrating. I can't experience an emotion without having my diabetes there, wanting my attention. An alarm distracting my parents as they were driving to check if I was okay, when the focus shouldn't have been on my diabetes.
The past few weeks have been difficult juggling two placements, uni, work and trying to find some time in there to grieve. My nan was such an important part of my life and it's hard to take it in that's she's gone. So my diabetes has made itself known the whole time, hitting the 20s most days. It's on the right track now after some insulin rate adjustments but there's still a way to go. I'm keeping busy.
Perhaps that little alarm is a good thing in some ways. It reminds me to try and take a break. Nan would always tell me to take a break from "hitting the books". Maybe I should listen.