Half a speechie, but still not close to being an adult

Semester is over, exams are coming, and it dawned on me that in terms of content I’m half way through my degree. That’s really terrifying, but also exciting. During the semester I’ve been running weekly therapy with a client and ended the semester by running 2 sessions by myself.
Which is a great confidence boost, but it still feels like I'm playing dress-up whenever I'm in "clinic clothes"(business attire).

A while ago I wrote a post about turning 18, and all these adult responsibilities.
I had an absolute onslaught of paperwork to muddle through because of the diabetes. But it made me feel pretty independent, which I liked because I get all the control. I love nothing more than knowing exactly what’s happening and being in charge of it.

But now as I’m half way through my degree and turning 20 in a few months, I have come to a realisation.

I am not even close to being an adult. Yes, I have a million cards, and my car, and my HECS debt that makes me nauseous every time I see the statement. I pay for everything except necessary food and shelter (thank you lovely parents for not leaving me to exist on 2 minute noodles). I get myself from A to B, I schedule appointments, and I no longer have to ask permission to go out as long as I tell my parents where I’m going/when I’ll be back. I even have a "professional phone voice".

But I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.
I’m less responsible than I was two years ago!

I mean yesterday I submitted an assignment 5 minutes before the due time and verbally abused my computer as my file slowly uploaded onto the website. Last semester I had to run to print and submit hand-in assignments to the drop box with a minute to spare.

HSC me would be aghast! She would never ever leave anything so late, or dream of missing lectures. She had her crap together, “adult” me definitely doesn’t.

- I sleep too much
- I swear too much when I drive
- I sometimes miss lectures when I’m really tired and have to catch up later
- I cook really simple meals and eat the same thing every day because cooking is way too much effort. I can cook rice and stick a can of tuna in there- carbs AND protein with minimal money and effort!

My one remotely adult decision has been to hold off on buying Netflix.

I dread to think what I’ll be like when I move out in a few years. I have to pay all those bills? Cook all the meals? Answer the front door to pushy salesman?
I barely function as it is!

So I have come to the conclusion that all the adults are faking it, or I'm just really bad at this growing up thing.

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Comments

  1. Have you seen that meme going around where you're looking for and adultier adult who can adult better than you can? This reminds me of that. You're not alone though. I did the adult thing and got married...but I don't think being an adult will ever happen to me....I routinely run out of milk & toilet paper, swear at traffic as well and was late to work last week because I wanted to sleep in. My cooking repertoire also consists of wraps and pasta.

    If you ever do figure out how to grow up, please share.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No I haven't! I appreciate your disclosure of your lack of adult-ness.
      My cooking repertoire is identical.
      Someone told me today that she first felt like an adult when she bought a Christmas ham. I feel that's a solid marker for it :)

      Delete

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